well, as it turns out, i did go to the picnic and i did meet D. it ended up being a really cool day. however, virtually nothing has happened since then. i just got some of his file "to get started on" after two months of phone calls. his case worker has been out on medical leave, so apparently he just has to wait. he has been in two foster homes this summer, and probably started school yesterday. i still have no idea when this will happen. if it does.
what do i do? pray? whine and complain? enjoy my last weeks free of the responsibility of a child? maybe this boy was not meant to be my son. where can i get answers? the waiting is harder than ever. now there is a real kid to focus on, instead of just the abstract idea of one. i don't know if i will be able to keep going indefinately.
tonight i felt like i had something to say and needed to write. turns out i was wrong. what i really need is to just go to bed.
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