...I'm common, I'm Cuban, I'm blitzin'!!!

Merry Christmas! Things went surprisingly well the past couple of days. Even though Santa didn't bring everything he asked for, D was really happy. One sobbing, emotionally overwhelmed breakdown during Christmas Eve dinner, but other than that just a few bumps in the road. We both got Heelys from the jolly old elf, and spent much of the day practicing with them. Now he is on the other side of the state with Aunt A and her man. Yay!!! I am on my own for a few relaxing evenings while he visits them. The TV is on, I'm messing around with the computer, and tomorrow is video game night for me. I may even have an adult beverage!

Merry X

Well, I started a hardcore responsibilities = privileges system. Right now we are in the first stage with no tv, games, special "D time", nothing but reading or amusing yourself in some unplugged way. It's the third day, and the first two he was not successful in working towards more privileges. Today was good. Woke up on time (Christmas party & last day of school were motivating), no major opposition to anything, helped cook dinner, had good visit with caseworker, and bed without a fuss. I don't know if he'll be able to hold it together for the last 4 days until Santa comes. Then next week he is spending a couple of days at my sister's house, so we will both get a break. I am hoping we will be approved for and start in-home therapy soon after the new year. It sounds like we will be going to court sometime in January to finalize the adoption. While I'm not holding my breath, it's possible that he might relax a little bit after that. More proof of permanency?
We took turns reading and combing each other's hair tonight. It was fun. He has a baby afro that we have not been taking proper care of. The hair thing will probably come up as a huge post sometime soon. It is an issue.

Roller Coaster of Love

Things have been very rough the past few weeks. Lots of aggression and defiance and power struggles. Meds don't seem to do too much so far. I don't think it is a problem for drugs to fix, but I'm running out of steam. I am very tired of being bullied by a little kid. It's so weird. When you see those little brats on shows like oprah or nanny 911, you roll your eyes at how ridiculous. Until you have one. And I knew it was gonna be hard, of course, but until it is living in your house... People are sympathetic and supportive, but they really don't have any idea what the constant button pushing is like.
Things we have tried:
timers, hugs, removing privileges, yelling, ignoring, time out in bedroom for D, time out in bedroom for mom, dogs moved to safety, fake "holding therapy" or kinda modified and loving restraint, tokens, charts, schedules, written rules, reading rules daily, giving choices, natural consequences, payback for mom's wasted time/energy/money with chores, talking, lecturing, nagging...
and many combinations and variations of everything I can think of or read about.
And sometimes, he is an absolute doll. Funny and thoughtful and cheerful. It is just harder than you can imagine.