It's been a long time since I wrote anything. Things have been up and down lately. When things are really bad, I do not usually have the energy or will to write about them, and when things are going fine, I don't think about documenting the day. I was sick for a few days, and that was really hard because D can not handle not being the center of attention. My punishment for being pukey was a punch in the stomach, and for not having the patience to cater to the prince I was threatened with a baseball bat. Things like that just reinforce to me how much his behavior is a result of my own. Not that I make him hit me like some abused woman's excuse for her attacker, but that without me making accommodations for the skills that he hasn't yet developed, he falls back on older survival behaviors that appear completely irrational or maladaptive to those of us with relatively stable beginnings. I act to some extent as the brake on his out of control emotional train. Like the parent of a toddler acting as the child's control before they begin to develop self-control. You wouldn't expect a 2 yr old to be able to manage their emotions and actions in the same way as a 12 yr old, it is just that D is much older physically than emotionally. A lot of my thinking in this direction is influenced by the book The Explosive Child by Ross Green.
There are attachment therapies that rely heavily on some form of regression to much earlier times in a child's life. Like giving them the nurturing and parenting that they did not get the first time around. To that end, we have gotten a very bottle-like sippy cup, a baby blanket, baby lotion, and pacifiers for our very unofficial attachment activities at home. We have played baby D a couple of times, and I have given him his "bottle" once. Not sure if it has accomplished anything, but it is definitely fun for him. He LOVES to play doggy or baby and baby games like peek-a-boo etc. So he can be my baby sometimes as needed.
It is very late and I need to get some sleep to face the week ahead.
1 comment:
I am getting excellent results with my own explosive child by treating him "younger" than he is. It is easy and fun and it is a very positive experience, he seems to relax and feel very at ease and less angry/edgy when I "baby" him--resulting in a much higher level of maturity! Thank you for this book recommendation! Somehow C missed out on some of his "Stuff" due to life's circumstances...nothing as severe as D, but still I kind of knew it was happening and now I am willing to put in the "work" to help him go back and live that out so he can hopefully move forth.
hugs
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