I have had it. I don't know what's going on, but D has been a monster lately. Constant attitude, loud sighs, slamming doors, throwing things, "who cares", "i don't care", "so what". He's not even 11 yet, I'm not ready for the evil teenage stereotype. I wish I could make myself believe that it's his last big effort at distancing himself before he settles in and lets me be his mom. The therapist was talking about how he needs to be Respectful, Responsible, and Fun to Be Around. That's all I want. He doesn't even have to be fun to be around. I would accept just not being evil and hateful.
After another evening of hell, I got a nice punch in the arm and then he went and pissed all over the bathroom. So I refused to let him out until he cleaned it up. He tried to fight his way out. This gave me a chance to work on my old tai chi techniques. Meeting hard with soft, yang with yin, and it actually worked surprisingly well. He tried to pretend he was really sleepy and when that didn't work, he laid down on the rug and pretended he was just gonna sleep there. He tried a half-hearted swipe with a cleaning wipe. He tried to annoy his way out. Repeating and repeating the same thing over and over. He tried to shut the door on me claiming he had to use it. Would refusing to let him go to the bathroom by himself scar him even more?
Then he started running into me. I was pushing him off at first and then I started thinking about how he must really need some contact, so I started giving him a hug every time he bounced into me. After a couple of minutes, that did it. He cleaned everything I told him to, even under the back of the toilet where the seat is screwed on. Then he went to bed without demanding I accompany him. !!! It is exhausting, though, and leaves very little energy for the rest of my life. And then I try to not beat myself up over how filthy and unorganized the house is. I feel so incompetent so much of the time.
And, on top of everything, I am coaching a 2nd and 3rd grade boys basketball team at D's school, and he is supposedly my asst coach. I'm doing the best I can, most of the time.
